Posts Tagged ‘lonely’

On my own

I consider myself a pretty independent girl. Left for boarding school when I was 16, and have been responsible for myself for much of the time since. I’ve made it through college, moved to Canada for grad school, Scotland for post-grad, came back to the states, have a job, paid my student loans, etc.

But today I realized that I have never lived on my own before. I’ve lived and worked in dormitories, and in grad school I shared a house with three other people. I moved from being a housemother, to being a wife.

Huz is moving to Ohio this week, and I’m having some weird reactions to it. Definitely will be missing him. A LOT. I was holding back tears while grocery shopping today because I realized I was buying meals for one. It helps to know I have a ticket ready and I’ll be there in a week and a half.

I do wonder what life will be like, on my own, in my own apartment, with my own car and my own job and my own bills. It is strange to think that I’ve made it to 30 without finding out.


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We’ve known for a while that Huz would move midyear, and I would follow him out in June. And at first I was ok with that. We’re comfortable in our relationship, trust one another absolutely, and aren’t clingy people. We won’t be on the phone every minute, and possibly not even every day, we will certainly check in, miss one another, have conversations, flirt, but I don’t anticipate being all whiny and crying in to my pillow every night.

But suddenly it is January, and now it’s hitting me in the gut.  I am going to miss him so much! At times I will be glad to come home and not have someone else’s dishes and laundry, or have to listen to his WoW friends talking… but there are so many ways that I won’t even anticipate until suddenly they hit and I feel sad 😦 Let’s hope those months go so quickly.

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